-The Seattle Supersonics- Kevin "Jeezus" Durant was supposed to lead the Suckersonics to the post season with his entry to the NBA. Instead of referring to him as Jesus, people only use that term after he shoots. Seattle Weekly puts a fun spin on the Sonics season with a drinking game, simply titled "Sonics Drinking Game".
Here are some excerpts:
Fuck it. Let’s get drunk.
-Kevin Durant takes a shot that would have gotten you benched on your high school, junior high, or rec league team.
-Chris Wilcox dunks.
-Robert Swift looks like a victim stuck in a bully’s body.
- Damien Wilkins pump fakes.
-Jeff Green’s jersey looks too small for him.
-You find yourself examining the southern shore of PJ’s beard for grip marks.
Help me forget!
-Kevin Durant takes a shot.
-Chris Wilcox grabs a rebound.
-A Sonics player misses a defensive rotation or fails to close out, leading to an open shot for the opponent.
-Jeff Green plays better defense than Rashard Lewis.
-Wally Szczerbiak’s dribble game reminds you of your dad’s.
-You find yourself thinking, “I hope they don’t move to Oklahoma City.”
It's sad enough to see the hometown making fun of the team, but they should feel no shame seeing that this team is a joke. I know Durant wasn't going to be the stud everyone thought he was (at least immediately), but he sucks. He shoots terrible shots at a low percentage and can't dominate a game like he did at Texas. Their starting 5 is inexperienced, lazy on defense, doesn't rotate on defense, and is more about ME than WE.
I'm not saying that this team won't contend in five years, but I am saying this team is shitty right now.
-The Miami Heat- Usually I'm so quick to say "I told you so" when coming to NBA discussion topics, but with this one, I can definitely say I was wrong. I really thought Miami was going to contend for another title this year, but to my dismay, they suck. Dwyane Wade is clearly playing hurt. I've never seen someone appear as if their giving birth as much as Wade does when he absorbs a little contact. They are playing uninspired basketball which leads to Ricky Davis being their second leading scorer, guys like Chris Quinn, Marc Blount, ALEXANDER JOHNSON and Luke Jackson getting respectable minutes. Their lineup and rotation are about as respectable as Greg Ostertagg... not very. This team will suck for a couple years, but could strike gold in the lottery this year, there are some great young players in the NCAA that would fit nicely on this roster... (Derrick Rose)
-The Bulls- I don't need to go indepth about this pile of shit they call an NBA franchise. They suffer from the following symptoms:
- Size
- Shooting
- Rebounding
- Team Defense
- Individual Defense
- Ben Wallace
These are diseases that are uncurable at the moment, but could be fixxed at some point in my lifetime, though not likely.
- T-Wolves- When I read Adam F's article on the Wolves, I disagreed greatly with his whole approach at the Wolves. This is a team that I agree, can be good, but right now they are worthy of the worst record in the league. They just lack experience. Players like Craig Smith haven't adjusted to the speed of an NBA game, or to a veteran officiating system that take experience into account. They do underachievem but it will take them time to succeed in the NBA. The addition of Randy Foye will help with scoring and guard defense, but right now this team has too many shoes to fill. It's really nice to see what Al Jefferson is capable of after leaving Boston, but lets not get ahead of ourselves, he puts up great numbers, but if every game results in a loss, no one cares.
-The Knicks-I don't have enough time to write about this God forsake franchise, I need to get sleep sometime.... But here are some fun stats...
- Zach Randolph is averaging .1 blks/game
- Isaih is still coaching.
- Marbury is averaging 4.7 asts to lead the team.
- Eddy Curry is shooting 57% FT, and averaging 14.
- Jamal Crawford is their leading scorer.
Okay, I know they just beat the Pistons in a blow out, but every dog has their day. This team is pure trash, they play so lazy on defense, I want to get Eddy Curry a pillow, a blanket, and a 40 oz. when he's on defense, or doesn't have the ball, just so he could get some entertainment. Hell, maybe the liquor will get him to shoot a higher %, but I don't know if there is anything that could accomplish that.
The Clippers- I like the Clips, once Elton Brand is healthy at the start of next year, they will be in playoff contention in the west, mark my words. Brand and Kaman are as good as any frontline in the league, and they will wreak havoc next year.
The Grizzlies- I read a stat today... When Mike Miller 17+ the Grizz are a shitty 10-11. When Mike Miller scores less than 17, the Grizz Kids are a Trent Meachem like 0-16. Yowsers, that is really shitty. That about sums it up too. The Grizzlies lost that spark that they had before Pau got hurt.
The Bobcats- This team suffers from a weak bench. I know they aided that with the addition of Nazr Mohammed, but still. Sam Vincent must love Jeff McInnis, because honestly, there is no reason for this guy to be getting 20 mpg. He is trash. Raymond Felton really hasn't panned out yet for this club, and they have trouble finding where to put Gerald Wallace against bigger teams (and smaller ones). They even tried starting J-Rich at 3 (stupid). For a team that likes to run this small, they should be fast breaking it every chance they get, but they love to run the half court set for some reason. Coaching change please.
76ers- They just suck. Everyone loves watching Andre Iguodala, but honestly, this team doesn't have much to offer outside of that. Andre Miller is a very bad PG for the system that Mo Cheeks is trying to implement in Philly, and I could bet you 1$ of my personal assets that you can't name the starting five... nuff' said.
-The Milwaukee Sucks- They suck. What more can I say. They are predictable on offense, and feature two guards that are shoot first. Mo Williams can list himself at PG, but his shoot first mentality doesn't mesh with a pure shooting guard like Michael Redd. Not to mention, both guards give up a lot on defense. They really don't have a small forward. Sure, Bobby Simmons is a nice 6th man, but that's all he is. With Desmond Mason on the IR, this team lacks depth at the 3, and until they can get a consistent Small Forward they suck.... (Michael Beasley anyone?) Not only is it the 3, its the 4 and 5. Yi was a great draft pick, and I think he will be a stud, but they need more interior help.





